Dilemmas families face in talking with returning U.S. military service members about seeking professional help for mental health issues.

Drawing on Goldsmith's (2004) normative theory, this article maps dilemmas family members experience when talking with returning service members (SMs) about seeking mental health care. Eighty family members of United States SMs who served in Iraq or Afghanistan read a scenario where their SM was displaying posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression symptoms. Participants described goals they would pursue, barriers they might encounter, and advice they would give others in the situation. Four dilemmas of talking about mental health emerged: (a) getting you to recognize the problem without implying you're not normal, (b) convincing you to seek help without implying you're weak, (c) being persistent but patient, and (d) wanting you to open up without implying I can understand. Family members reported using four groups of strategies to manage these dilemmas. Directions for expanding the concept of dilemmas as "paradoxes" and for supporting military families as well as rethinking policy assumptions are discussed.